The Tricky Art of Co-Existing

February 2, 2015
Toksvig (Valentine Gray) thoroughly covers the intricacies of modern manners in this handy, if sometimes strained, offering. In 11 chapters, written in letter form to an eight-year-old named Mary (identified as a “delightful child in my life”), she outlines everything from dining in (don’t pick nose or teeth at the dinner table; how to use chopsticks; what is appropriate to eat with one’s fingers) and out (as a guest at a dinner party, wait to be invited to have a second serving; as a restaurant customer, tipping, ordering, and the like) to behaving on social media (beware of showing off; don’t be a troll or feed one; try not to look desperate or weird). The author serves up her advice with a solid helping of odd, intermittently relevant trivia—the creator of grocery store chain Piggly Wiggly; the origins of the fork; Alfred Hitchcock’s childhood—which, if nothing else, will give readers a few fascinating, offbeat facts to share at their next dinner party. While Toksvig’s writing is engaging, her frequent asides to young Mary quickly become cloying and cutesy. Still, her advice is sound and should save many, not least young Mary, from unintentional etiquette gaffes in the future.

Starred review from February 15, 2015

This clever book of etiquette is not concerned with how one should address an archbishop but is rather a smart guide to day-to-day existence, especially for young people. Toksvig's (Heroines and Harridans) skillful turns of phrase make the work entertaining as well as useful. Her philosophy boils down to "The Top Cs: " consideration, common sense, context, and comfort, with an emphasis on stopping to think before you do or say anything. The author covers table manners; communication from the wolf whistle to the formal invitation; interaction with family, coworkers, and strangers; travel; personal relationships; raising civilized children; and dealing with those who are dying or newly bereaved. Interspersed throughout are amusing quotes and hilarious anecdotes. The story about the King of Denmark and his impecunious dinner guest is, by itself, worth the price of the book. VERDICT Sensible and extremely amusing, this engaging book is highly recommended.--Susan B. Hagloch, formerly with Tuscarawas Cty. P.L., New Philadelphia, OH

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